2012 Range Rover Review

When you see someone drive a Range Rover down the street, what do you think about him? Is he wealthy- yes, obviously. How much does he earn- is he a lawyer, pulling down $350k in his 5th year of practice? Or does he make $3.5 million a year as a hedge fund manager? Or is he in fact one of the super rich, the sort of person for whom money has lost all meaning?

I say he could be any of these, or perhaps even a drug dealer or football player. Or both! The fact is that a Range Rover both reveals and conceals the status of the driver. You know he is a man of some means, but how much? It is a mystery. He could have a garage full of super cars; maybe the Range Rover is his only car. But the car intrigues the passerby all the same.

Not being a shadowy oligarch rolling in Bitcoin millions, I bought this 2012 Range Rover in Luxury trim (yes, really) used. "Certified pre-owned, Standish, not used!" I say to my butler, as he irons my Dockers. There is only really one option you will absolutely, positively need when you buy your own Range Rover, and that is a warranty. I will come to that later.

And so when you arrive, you arrive in style, and you can blend in with the smart set. I am not often arriving anywhere the smart set might be, but on those occasions when I do, all is serenity and confidence.

This model, in beige with a cocoa interior, is one of the last of the 3rd generation L322 cars, which were produced from 2002 to 2012, and was succeeded by the 4th generation L405 model, the current car. Land Rover has done an excellent job over the lifespan of this vehicle in keeping the essential character of the car across generation changes, while bringing it up to date for the times.

It is astounding to think that the first generation was produced from 1970 to 1996. The formula was a good one- a tough truck chassis topped with a luxurious cabin, a car for the country squire to cross a field or drive to a luncheon in town. A car for the city, and the remote wilderness. And while it is true that most Range Rovers never saw more than a bit of light duty, nevertheless the car was capable of so much more. You probably won't ever need to ford a meter of water, but it's nice knowing you could.

Since this isn't a technical review, but more of my ownership experience, I won't bore you with all the specs, numbers and so forth. But it is worth knowing that this is a very complicated machine, from it's air suspension to it's masterful 4x4 system. It is over-engineered, but in a way very different than how the Germans do it with their cars. For them, tight tolerances and robustness of operation is paramount. To Land Rover, it is a point of pride the off-road prowess of the Range Rover is second to none, and so reliability is of secondary concern.

Range Rover is one of the few cars that should be purchased in earth tones. Dusky browns, greens and tans are the natural colors for this car; I find the black and white cars to be somehow false. The clam-shell bonnet- the hood, to us Americans- wraps over the entire front of the car, connecting to the bluff front end. Upright, solid, capable- these are the sensations evoked by the shape. The timeless design is so damn classy, in a way only Britain can produce, and does regularly from Rolls Royce, to Jaguar, to Aston Martin.

Stepping up into the Range Rover, you slide into a beautiful, tasteful interior, which reinforces the bloody Britishness of it. The nut-brown leather is gorgeous, and of very high quality. When you can get "leather" as an option on economy cars, encountering the real thing is special indeed. Supple and elegant, this stuff weathers nicely over time. And the matching carpet- real carpet- is also a cut above the plastic scratcher-pad stuff you get in the footwells and floors of most cars. Even the map pocket in the door is covered in it. Touch points are wrapped in leather, with the rest of the interior made up of high quality plastics, with a dash of wood trim for good measure.

The seats, while covered in that wonderful leather, are not very stiffly bolstered- but you're not carving corners now, are you, in this beautiful beast? But the seating position is excellent, high off the floor and giving you a commanding view out and down to the world below, where the peasants do whatever peasants do, God only knows. Your visibility is exceptional, with the wide, tall windows bringing so much light into the cabin.

There are 3 ashtrays. 3! One in the front center console, and one in each of the rear doors. Classy!

This car has luxury technology features, by the standards of 2012. Keyless start, but not keyless entry. A relatively large touchscreen for its day, but relatively low resolution. A heated windscreen, heated and cooled seats up front with heated seats in the back, and automatic highbeam headlights are among the included pamperings and panderings. The all-digital instrument panel is a surprisingly modern piece, with good clarity.

Power comes from a smooth 5.0 liter V8, stumping out about 375 hp and 375 lb/ft of torque. In Supercharged trim, this engine produces over 500 hp, but my more meager model goes without the added oomph. And truly I tell you I never wanted for more power, since I can't imagine trying to negotiate a corner at significant speed, wallowing hard. 375 hp is plenty for normal use. The automatic transmission is smooth and unflappable.

The few times I ever needed the 4x4 expertise of this vehicle, it came through utterly victorious. During our few major snowstorms, I was like some sort of yuppie Perseus on his Pegasus, dashing through the drifts and ice with nary a care. Where other cars sat sideways in an intersection, trying against reason to make their puny tires find purchase, I steered right around them, halfway up the snowbank on the curb, and on to my undoubtedly glamorous destination, which was the grocery store for cat food. I like to think that poor bastard spinning his wheels and grimacing was given a measure of joy and delight at seeing the supreme competence of my vehicle.

But all is not sweetness and light with a Range Rover in your garage, and this brings us to Land Rover's corporate policy of making their customers become familiar with their dealership's service department on a first name basis. While I only had a single major fault with my car, it required three weeks to fix. Briefly, the steering angle sensor (this tells the car how much you are turning the wheel) decided to take a mental health day, which in turn caused the car to disable all sorts of other systems, such as stability control. The dealership recalibrated the sensor and returned it to me, only for it to stop working two days later. The service manager ordered a replacement part, and then three of their technicians got the flu, so it took a week to get done. When I picked it up, I didn't even leave the parking lot, because the motor to adjust the steering wheel made a terrible grinding noise. They ordered a replacement part, which arrived broken(!), so they ordered another replacement, which had to come from England. This was all paid for by Land Rover's warranty.

There are lots of ways a car can break, and Land Rover has thought of every one, and engineered the most costly fixes. That magical air suspension? Each corner will cost you $3,000 to replace. The heated windscreen is $2,000. Each component in the baffling electrical system is unfathomably expensive. I shudder to think what a major service on the differential would run.

So buy that warranty, and drive with no fear. The feeling of well-being you get from a Range Rover compensates for the knowledge that it may be a bit troublesome from time to time.

As the demands of my life have changed, the Range Rover sadly must go. I am in the position to require more seats for all these children that seemingly appear like clockwork every few years. My new car is, unbelievably, bigger and beastlier than even this brute. But I'll miss this car very much- its elegance and quiet competence, its comfort, its social status cloaking device. And when my brood has come into their own and set off on their own life journeys, I'll be back in a Range Rover. With a full warranty.