Martin Pease

... With all these considerations, and armed with a good topological map, you should be able to find the perfect spot. Chapter 3 : Hiking In and Site Preparations Having covered basic preparations in Chapters 1, and choosing your site in Chapter 2, now we get to the fun stuff- hitting the trail and prepping your site. Most of your load will be securely fastened in your sled, but remember that you should always carry water, bug spray, bear spray (if in bear country), flashlight, and rain gear on your person. Firmly grasping the ropes of the sled, start your journey on the trail. To distribute the weight evenly between your arms, cross them over your chest, and lean slightly forward. You've got a lot to carry, but keep in mind, it'll be a breeze hiking back out. Take a deep breath of that fresh air- you've never felt so alive! After half a kilometer or so, throw the first of your distraction bags as far off the trail as you can. It doesn't matter which side you c...

Jim looked out his front door, and waddling down the street came a fat man. This man was uncommonly fat, by Jim's reckoning the fattest man he had ever seen in person, of course there were real fatties on television sometimes in those shows meant to entertain you with grotesqueries.  Jim bent down to pick up the newspaper from the stoop, stood up and looked again at the man slowly shuffling his globular flesh along the sidewalk in front of Jim's house. What a whale, thought Jim. How is he even capable of motion? The fat man was looking at Jim now, watching him. He came to a stop in front of Jim's house, rotated slightly, facing Jim now head-on. This unnerved Jim. The eyes of the fat man, so surrounded by the puffiness of his face, beetled into Jim. "Good morning," the fat man said. "Uh, good morning to you," Jim replied. The fat man looked with his little eyes right into his own. "Is that today's paper?" asked the fat man. "W...